1 00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:04,047 . 2 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:06,397 - "Will and Grace" is recorded 3 00:00:06,441 --> 00:00:08,486 in front of a live studio audience. 4 00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:12,577 - So Karen invited her new boyfriend over for brunch. 5 00:00:12,621 --> 00:00:14,057 That's, like, something 6 00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:16,668 a person would do. 7 00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:19,454 - I know, it's strangely human... 8 00:00:19,497 --> 00:00:22,152 like when a chimp smokes a cigarette. 9 00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,416 - Phil's on his way up. 10 00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:27,766 Grace, fix your tie. Will, change your dress. 11 00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:33,772 Good Lord, feel my heart. It's beating a mile a minute. 12 00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:43,304 - Okay, there's one. Yeah. 13 00:00:43,347 --> 00:00:46,350 - I have never seen you so excited about a guy. 14 00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:49,484 - Well, I finally met someone I really like. 15 00:00:49,527 --> 00:00:51,747 You have no idea how hard it is out there. 16 00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:54,619 All the good ones have been indicted. 17 00:00:55,664 --> 00:00:57,709 - So, tell us about Phil. 18 00:00:57,753 --> 00:00:59,668 - Charming, sweet, 19 00:00:59,711 --> 00:01:02,236 and he has a remarkable penis. 20 00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:05,630 It's like an oil rig 21 00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:09,721 drilling until it devastates everything in its path. 22 00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:15,858 - I--I just meant what does he do? 23 00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:17,207 [knock at door] 24 00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:18,687 - [gasps] He's here. 25 00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:20,602 Will, put on some lipstick. Grace, stop mincing. 26 00:01:22,473 --> 00:01:24,519 - Hey, babe. - Ooh! 27 00:01:24,562 --> 00:01:25,563 He calls me babe. 28 00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:28,392 Hi, babe. I call him babe. 29 00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:31,830 Will, Grace, meet Dr. Phil Johnson. 30 00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:33,310 Ooh, what do you think? 31 00:01:33,354 --> 00:01:34,746 - You gotta give 'em a chance. 32 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:37,445 I haven't even turned on my A game. 33 00:01:37,488 --> 00:01:39,403 Will, this is for you. 34 00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:42,406 Karen told me you're a big, bold, complex guy, 35 00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:45,540 like this cabernet. 36 00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:48,543 - Don't forget fruity and gives you a headache. 37 00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:53,417 - And Grace, 38 00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:55,811 here's something beautiful and delicate like yourself. 39 00:01:55,854 --> 00:01:59,162 - Don't forget slightly wilted and covered in bees. 40 00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:02,905 - Welcome, it's so-- 41 00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,515 - Okay, back off desperado. 42 00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:06,778 he's taken. 43 00:02:06,822 --> 00:02:09,781 [upbeat trumpet and piano music] 44 00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:16,614 ♪ 45 00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:20,879 - Papi, it's so sad to think of Miss Coco's closing. 46 00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:23,752 - I know, it's like a death. 47 00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:25,449 - So what's going to happen to Coco's? 48 00:02:25,493 --> 00:02:28,539 - Unless someone buys it, it goes away. 49 00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:30,628 - Just like every other gay bar in this city. 50 00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:34,676 You know, the Manhole is now a Victoria's Secret. 51 00:02:34,719 --> 00:02:37,809 - I imagine there is some crossover. 52 00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:40,421 - Where will all these people go? 53 00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:43,250 Where will Slutty Steve get his self-esteem? 54 00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:45,600 What will happen to Rough Trade Ralph 55 00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:49,299 or Scientology guy? 56 00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:51,562 We can't let all the gay bars disappear. 57 00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:53,782 Someone needs to buy Coco's. 58 00:02:53,825 --> 00:02:54,913 - Well, why don't you? 59 00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:56,480 - Me? [chuckles] 60 00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:59,266 Oh no, no. I am a working actor. 61 00:03:00,571 --> 00:03:03,792 - Papi, did you get a job? 62 00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,446 - I'm 63 00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:07,491 working on it. 64 00:03:07,535 --> 00:03:09,624 - No, no, no, no, no. I like this idea, you know? 65 00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,452 Keep it in the family. 66 00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:13,323 Not my actual family. 67 00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:16,761 They're all Florida gutter trash. 68 00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:19,460 May they get washed away in the next hurricane. 69 00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:22,463 They should get washed away! 70 00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:24,247 - God, you should buy it. 71 00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:26,293 I mean, I can't be a flight attendant forever. 72 00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:27,816 At a certain point these passengers, 73 00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:29,470 they start giving you this look, like, 74 00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:31,341 "Oh, I got a old one." 75 00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:32,647 - That's crazy. 76 00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:33,909 Where would I even get the money? 77 00:03:33,952 --> 00:03:36,520 - Just get a loan. Try the banks. 78 00:03:36,564 --> 00:03:39,523 - Okay, Tyra Banks is not gonna give me money. 79 00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:42,570 She's never once returned a DM. 80 00:03:42,613 --> 00:03:45,703 Apparently, I'm not "Top Model" material. 81 00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,531 - Oh, no, no, mi amor. 82 00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:50,839 The banks, like, this place that has, like, 83 00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:53,015 a bowl of lollipops. 84 00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:56,671 - Oh, a bank. Duh. 85 00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:57,889 I don't know. 86 00:03:57,933 --> 00:04:00,544 I mean, me, a business owner? 87 00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:04,461 I mean, I do have half glasses. 88 00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:09,640 And I have been told I look important when I do this. 89 00:04:09,684 --> 00:04:13,731 - Okay, Mr. Business Owner. Where did Mr. Jack go? 90 00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:15,385 - It was just a pencil and gla--I'm right here. 91 00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:16,778 It's just me. 92 00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:20,303 . 93 00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:22,218 [bright piano music] 94 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,829 - Okay, black coffee for Phil. 95 00:04:24,873 --> 00:04:27,963 Karen, I'm fresh out of blood. What are you drinking? 96 00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:32,446 - Straight vodka with just a splash of other vodka. 97 00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:36,101 - Phil, anything else I can get? 98 00:04:36,145 --> 00:04:37,364 There's a few mini fritters left. 99 00:04:37,407 --> 00:04:38,887 - Oh, I couldn't eat another bite. 100 00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:41,019 And by that, I mean I'll have two. 101 00:04:41,063 --> 00:04:45,981 - [laughs] 102 00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:47,939 Oh, isn't he hilarious? 103 00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:51,987 It's this all day long. Just back and forth like this. 104 00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:54,337 - So how'd you guys meet? 105 00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:55,860 - Oh, it's a funny story. 106 00:04:55,904 --> 00:04:57,079 - Are you gonna speak for me? 107 00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:59,124 - Oh, I'm sorry, darling. 108 00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:01,475 - I mean, Grace was looking directly at me. 109 00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:04,260 - Oh, completely my mistake. 110 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,523 - It's okay, anyone can take it. 111 00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:09,265 - Go ahead, please. Forgive me? 112 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,832 - Oh, I forgive. 113 00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:13,008 But I won't forget. [chuckles] 114 00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:15,227 Uh, we met at the bar at the Carlyle. 115 00:05:15,271 --> 00:05:17,360 I had just finished a very difficult heart surgery. 116 00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,406 - I thought you were an OB-GYN. 117 00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:21,582 - I used to be. I do heart surgery now. 118 00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:24,367 - That's unusual. Did you go to med school for-- 119 00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:26,456 - Will, where did you learn to cook like this 120 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:29,285 and stay in such good shape? 121 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,982 I mean, do you work out three hours a day? 122 00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:33,420 - [laughs] Three hours? 123 00:05:33,463 --> 00:05:35,422 That would be crazy. 124 00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:38,555 I do two hours and I eat healthy. 125 00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:39,991 Here's an interesting thing about me: 126 00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:41,471 I try to keep my proteins 127 00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:43,212 to the size of a deck of cards, 128 00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:45,345 my grains to the size of a fist, 129 00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:48,348 and then I just load up on leafy greens. 130 00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:50,045 - That is fascinating. 131 00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:51,133 - Is it? 132 00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:52,439 [timer rings] 133 00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,179 - Your fritters are ready, 134 00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:56,312 and I will refrain from making any fritter puns. 135 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,009 - Thank God. 136 00:05:58,053 --> 00:05:59,620 - Well, why don't you fritter away and get them? 137 00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:04,451 - [laughs] 138 00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:07,454 [continues to laugh] 139 00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:11,849 Good Lord, am I dating Chris Rock? 140 00:06:14,199 --> 00:06:16,506 - Okay, let's go back 141 00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:20,336 to how you went from delivering babies to doing heart surgery. 142 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,556 - Well, there's actually a lot of crossover. 143 00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:24,514 I mean, sometimes babies don't come out 144 00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:27,169 from the...clown's mouth 145 00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:28,518 and 146 00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:31,129 you have to get them from, you know, 147 00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:33,349 the circus tent. 148 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:37,222 And we call those "tummy babies." 149 00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:39,399 - All these medical terms. 150 00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:43,141 Oh, whoosh right over my head. 151 00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:45,492 - Uh, you mean cesarean? 152 00:06:45,535 --> 00:06:47,015 - [laughs] 153 00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:48,973 So I guess you're the doctor, huh? 154 00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:52,368 both: [laugh] 155 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,196 - Uh, so how many years ago did you-- 156 00:06:54,239 --> 00:06:55,893 - I mean, for real, Will, 157 00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:59,027 you are one of David Beckham's arms come to life. 158 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,332 Can I get into the gym with you? 159 00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:01,682 Show me a couple of pointers? 160 00:07:01,725 --> 00:07:05,163 - Well, of course. I'd love that. 161 00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:06,991 Interesting thing about me-- 162 00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:09,472 you know, a lot of people do arms every three days. 163 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:11,431 I do 'em every 164 00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:12,997 two days. 165 00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:14,999 So it goes-- it goes chest, arms, legs, 166 00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:18,046 then back, arms, then back to chest, arms. 167 00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:20,396 Yes, I skipped shoulders. You're probably wondering why. 168 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,007 - Let's give them time to guess. 169 00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:25,401 You called me in the kitchen? 170 00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:30,580 - Oh ho ho... 171 00:07:30,624 --> 00:07:32,147 - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. 172 00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:33,931 Ah, ah, ah. 173 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:35,716 - They are sure to give you the loan, mi amor. 174 00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,327 You look so businesslike. 175 00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:39,589 - I know. 176 00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:41,939 I'm wearing my three-piece underwear. 177 00:07:43,114 --> 00:07:44,507 Aw, cute little girl. 178 00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:46,161 - Oh, that's my nephew. 179 00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:49,556 He was Lisa Vanderpump for Halloween. 180 00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:52,036 - We so got this. 181 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:54,343 - Hi, I'm Ruth. Sorry I'm late. 182 00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:55,518 I'm going through a thing with my ex. 183 00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,520 We're co-parenting a cat 184 00:07:57,564 --> 00:07:59,217 and he doesn't seem to understand 185 00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:02,656 that Mayonnaise needs her medicine every day. 186 00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:04,309 That's all right. 187 00:08:04,353 --> 00:08:06,442 She can scoot her butt across his West Elm rugs 188 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,531 every other weekend. 189 00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:13,057 - Uh, I'm sorry. Is now a bad time? 190 00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:14,668 - Oh, no, no, no, I'm good. 191 00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:17,366 In fact, I have a date this Friday. 192 00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:20,412 My ex hasn't dated in two years, so... 193 00:08:20,456 --> 00:08:21,588 I win! 194 00:08:21,631 --> 00:08:23,198 - [laughs] 195 00:08:23,241 --> 00:08:24,416 - I've been looking at your application 196 00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:25,417 and I see that you're interested 197 00:08:25,461 --> 00:08:26,593 in a small business loan. 198 00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:28,116 - Small, large. 199 00:08:28,159 --> 00:08:29,117 I'm not a size queen, Ruth. 200 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,989 both: [laughs] 201 00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:35,079 - I'm not a big fan of penis jokes. 202 00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:36,080 - Oh. 203 00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:39,127 Well, then, I am... 204 00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:46,526 Out of material. 205 00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:48,353 - First issue I see here is your credit. 206 00:08:48,397 --> 00:08:50,094 You don't have any. 207 00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:52,488 - Uh, did you look at my resume here? 208 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:56,231 Most of those credits are real. 209 00:08:56,274 --> 00:09:01,062 - It's true, Ruth. He really was Fat Filipino 210 00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:03,107 - I didn't have to wear offensive makeup. 211 00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:04,587 The camera was never on me. 212 00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:06,023 - No, no, no. 213 00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:07,242 What I mean is that we need to be sure 214 00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:08,635 that you can pay us back. 215 00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:10,637 - Okay. [snorts] 216 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:13,161 You gonna be that girl, Ruth? 217 00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:15,206 You lend me money, and then you get all weird 218 00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:17,600 if you see me out to dinner? [snorts] 219 00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:19,820 - This is a bank. 220 00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:22,562 And--and this bar just doesn't seem like a good risk. 221 00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:24,215 I mean, is there anything you can show me 222 00:09:24,259 --> 00:09:26,783 that would inspire some confidence? 223 00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:30,047 - How 'bout this? 224 00:09:39,143 --> 00:09:41,406 - No, you--you can keep that. 225 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,322 - Hey, papi. 226 00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:47,151 Maybe show her your PowerPoint presentation. 227 00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:49,850 Ruth, this is a game changer. 228 00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:53,201 - Good idea, my PowerPoint. Here we go. 229 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:57,466 You need to help me 230 00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:59,207 buy that bar down the street 231 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:02,427 because God as my witness, I don't have the money. 232 00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:04,865 ♪ 233 00:10:04,908 --> 00:10:06,431 - I do not trust that guy. 234 00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:07,824 - What? He's great. 235 00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,652 - You keep missing it when he says weird things. 236 00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:13,525 One minute he's an OB-GYN and the next he's a heart surgeon? 237 00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:14,701 - Well, that's not so strange. 238 00:10:14,744 --> 00:10:17,399 I mean... vaginas to angina? 239 00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:19,531 [laughs] 240 00:10:19,575 --> 00:10:22,709 Oh, Phil will like that one. 241 00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:24,188 - I'm serious, Will. 242 00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:26,800 It's like he's a-- [gasps] 243 00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:29,716 Do you remember that podcast we listened to? 244 00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,500 - The one about the reporter who delved into the 245 00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:33,458 unsolved murder in the South? - Not that one. 246 00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:34,808 - The one about the reporter who delved into the unsolved 247 00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,592 kidnapping in the South? - Not that one. 248 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,376 - The one about the reporter who delved into the unsolved 249 00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:40,161 murder-kidnapping in the South and then got kidnapped 250 00:10:40,204 --> 00:10:41,684 and murdered himself? 251 00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:45,688 - No. Phil is Dirty John. 252 00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:48,299 He's Filthy Phil. 253 00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:50,606 I am telling you, it is exactly the same. 254 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:54,262 He is a handsome, charming, controlling "doctor." 255 00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:57,744 - Right, right, he's--he's Dirty John. 256 00:10:57,787 --> 00:11:01,269 - Oh, my God, you never listened to it. 257 00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:03,706 I am telling you this guy is after her money. 258 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,490 This is what they do. 259 00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:08,755 They charm their way into your lives until they control you. 260 00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:10,844 - Nobody controls Karen Walker. 261 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:13,324 - Oh, I dropped my napkin. 262 00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:15,936 - Oh, I'm sorry, darling. I didn't notice. 263 00:11:15,979 --> 00:11:18,721 - Ah, ah, ah. Eye contact. 264 00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:20,201 - Oh. 265 00:11:20,244 --> 00:11:22,856 - Hold it, hold it. Yeah. 266 00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:25,859 Uh-huh, keep going. Hold it. 267 00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:28,949 - Got it. [giggles] 268 00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:30,777 - Oh, who's my napkin fairy? 269 00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:34,171 - Me, me, me! [giggles] 270 00:11:35,259 --> 00:11:36,696 - Okay, that was weird. 271 00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:40,351 . 272 00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:42,789 [bright piano music] 273 00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:45,400 - So Karen, what do you really know about Phil? 274 00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:48,359 Besides that he's a doctor of everything? 275 00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:50,057 - What do you mean, honey? 276 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,059 - He seems a little controlling. 277 00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:54,931 - I know, but honestly, I... 278 00:11:54,975 --> 00:11:57,760 I like being with a man who takes charge. 279 00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:00,110 For 30 years I had to tell Stan, 280 00:12:00,154 --> 00:12:03,418 "Put on your dinner tarp. We're having a red sauce." 281 00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:04,985 - Okay, but-- 282 00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:08,118 - No, don't ruin this, honey. I'm having fun. 283 00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:10,991 And don't worry, I'm not gonna stop being me. 284 00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:12,427 - Cigarette, babe? - Sure. 285 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:13,820 - What, you smoke? 286 00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:16,344 - No, I want him to think I'm cool. 287 00:12:18,128 --> 00:12:19,869 - What did you guys talk about? 288 00:12:19,913 --> 00:12:22,306 - Well, there may be a couple of red flags. 289 00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:24,091 He's probably not a cardiologist 290 00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:26,180 unless there's actually a heart condition known as 291 00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:29,444 thrombosis expialidocious. 292 00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:32,316 - Oh, I knew it. 293 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,796 - What are you doing? 294 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,364 - I am going through his wallet. 295 00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:39,149 Come on, keep a look out. 296 00:12:39,193 --> 00:12:40,847 Oh, my God. 297 00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:44,111 He has a credit card through Nora Nessbaum. 298 00:12:44,154 --> 00:12:45,242 - That's not good... 299 00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:47,767 unless maybe he used to be her. 300 00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:50,944 - Great, he's trans. 301 00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:53,076 Now we have to like him. - Yeah. 302 00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:57,167 Every credit card has a different name, 303 00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:59,866 and not one of them is Phil Johnson. 304 00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:02,042 - Now what are you doing? - I'm Googling him. 305 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:04,914 - What are you Googling, "not Dr. Phil Johnson"? 306 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:10,485 - No. 307 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:16,186 New York City, con man, rich lady, fake doctor. 308 00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:18,798 [gasps] Oh, my God, there's so many. 309 00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:20,234 - Isn't that your dentist? 310 00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:21,757 - Oh, no. 311 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,194 He gave me nitrous for everything. 312 00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:26,370 - What are we looking at? both: [shouts] 313 00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:28,198 - Uh, we are on Etsy. - Mm. 314 00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:32,333 - Uh, looking for a crocheted bong cozy. 315 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:37,904 - Right, 'cause I--I don't want my weed to get cold, right? 316 00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:40,820 ♪ 317 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:43,257 - And then the bank lady opened the doors 318 00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,389 and shoved me roughly onto the sidewalk 319 00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:48,001 and yelled, "We don't want your kind!" 320 00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:51,091 - Actually she said, "It was nice to meet you." 321 00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:52,527 And she offered us a cupcake 322 00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:54,529 from the branch manager's birthday. 323 00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:58,794 - Well, you did your best, 324 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:02,015 which is probably why it didn't work. 325 00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:03,407 - So that's it, huh? 326 00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:06,149 Another gay bar bites the tush. 327 00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:09,979 - But Coco's is more than just another gay bar. 328 00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:12,286 It's a place where we all gather. 329 00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:13,591 People like 330 00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:16,856 Half Tom, Half Tammy. 331 00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:19,336 Where will they go? 332 00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:23,297 And Doesn't Know Where She Is Diane. 333 00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:26,082 And Bummer Bennet, who's really annoying. 334 00:14:26,126 --> 00:14:29,956 I mean a miserable person who comes every night 335 00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:32,915 because he knows no one here will say it to his face. 336 00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:34,177 - Did you just-- 337 00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:36,005 - And where Closeted Keith... 338 00:14:36,049 --> 00:14:38,225 Closeted Keith can flirt with guys 339 00:14:38,268 --> 00:14:41,271 so he has something to think about on his date with a girl. 340 00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:44,622 - I'll come out when my mom dies. 341 00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:46,537 - But most important, 342 00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:50,280 Coco's is the place I first found my community. 343 00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:53,066 I remember a certain 19-year-old kid 344 00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:56,286 in short shorts and a Boy George haircut 345 00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:58,593 roller blading in to use the pay phone. 346 00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:03,511 I walked in right behind him. 347 00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:06,122 And I looked around and I thought, 348 00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:09,082 "These are my people." 349 00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:11,519 I felt safe. 350 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,477 I was... 351 00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:15,175 I was home. 352 00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:19,048 ♪ 353 00:15:19,092 --> 00:15:21,137 - So you did some digging? You know, 354 00:15:21,181 --> 00:15:23,879 I wouldn't believe everything you see on the internet. 355 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,969 I once clicked on a picture of that kid from "Jerry Maguire" 356 00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:31,321 and I absolutely could believe what he looked like today. 357 00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:32,888 - Uh--[clears throat] 358 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,673 so we've heard all about your doctor stuff. 359 00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:37,327 You're probably wondering what we do. 360 00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:39,242 Grace is a designer. I'm a lawyer. 361 00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:41,679 More specifically, I'm Karen's lawyer. 362 00:15:41,723 --> 00:15:44,073 It's my job to look out for her. 363 00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:45,335 - Oh, is that so? - Mm-hmm. 364 00:15:45,379 --> 00:15:46,989 - Well, I sincerely hope 365 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,513 you have someone who can look out for you. 366 00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:52,342 - What the hell is that supposed to mean? 367 00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:55,084 - I mean I sincerely hope somebody looks out for you. 368 00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,999 I mean, everybody should have that. 369 00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:59,959 - You didn't say it like that. 370 00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:01,699 You said it scary, 371 00:16:01,743 --> 00:16:03,266 like Liam Neeson 372 00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:06,966 before he throws a terrorist into a wood chipper. 373 00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:09,185 - You know, I think you misunderstood me, 374 00:16:09,229 --> 00:16:13,015 and misunderstandings can cause real problems. 375 00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:15,539 - Kinda just did it again. - No, I did not. 376 00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:18,368 I said, "Misunderstandings can cause real problems." 377 00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:20,936 I mean, watch any episode of "Three's Company." 378 00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:24,026 - Phil, I forget-- 379 00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:27,029 did you want me to get you the Tesla 3 or the S? 380 00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:30,206 - Oh, the S, babe. The 3s are for peasants. 381 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,034 But we have to go. 382 00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:33,993 I have to get to the hospital but if you leave first, 383 00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:36,517 then I can watch that sweet ass walk out. 384 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:40,260 - It's like bible camp all over again. 385 00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:44,090 Well, it has been wonderful-- 386 00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:46,135 oh, I don't have to do this with you. 387 00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:50,052 - Oh, yeah. Yeah. 388 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:52,011 - Um, Karen? Karen, hey. 389 00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:54,230 Why don't you stay so we can dish? 390 00:16:54,274 --> 00:16:56,580 - Or I could blow off the surgery 391 00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:59,061 and we could go back to your place and have sex. 392 00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:01,107 - You can blow off surgery? 393 00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:05,111 - Oh, yeah. The, uh, helper girl can do it. 394 00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:07,461 - You mean the nurse? - Hmm? 395 00:17:07,504 --> 00:17:09,506 - Hmm, do I want to make conversation 396 00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:11,769 with Will and Grace 397 00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:14,642 or go to the tongue rodeo for two hours? 398 00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:17,514 Bye, kids. 399 00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:19,212 Yee-haw. 400 00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:22,215 - Hey, Karen. Karen, please. 401 00:17:22,258 --> 00:17:24,434 Just don't give this guy a key to your apartment. 402 00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:25,740 - Well, he's gotta have one. 403 00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:27,611 He's moved in. 404 00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:29,265 - What? - So fast? 405 00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:30,745 - When it's right, it's right. 406 00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:32,616 - Karen, say good-bye to your friends. 407 00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:35,750 You don't know when you'll see them again. 408 00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:38,187 - Look at that. Did you not hear that? 409 00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:41,625 - He's right, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again. 410 00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:44,280 We don't have anything on the books. 411 00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:48,502 . 412 00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:53,637 - Ruth, if Coco's closes, where will all these people go? 413 00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:56,553 - Where will they go, Ruth, the Starbucks in Chelsea? 414 00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,120 There is no lock on the bathroom door. 415 00:17:58,164 --> 00:18:01,558 You both have to hold it closed with your feet. 416 00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:03,995 Where is the romance, huh? 417 00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:06,128 - I appreciate your passion, Mr. McFarland, 418 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,870 but I have to consider the risk. 419 00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:13,614 - Okay. 420 00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:16,182 All right, get out of here, you big British cigarettes. 421 00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:19,837 Let's go, move it, move it. 422 00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:22,013 - I've never done it in a bank before. 423 00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:25,843 - Uh, not today, Slutty Steve. 424 00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:27,584 Try liking yourself. 425 00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:32,981 - Look, Jack. I know this is personal to you. 426 00:18:33,024 --> 00:18:35,244 - I think it's personal to you, too. 427 00:18:35,288 --> 00:18:37,551 You talk about risk. 428 00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:42,208 What about this little boy? Think about it. 429 00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:44,862 What happens when he grows up, huh? 430 00:18:44,906 --> 00:18:46,560 We get rid of all the gay bars, 431 00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:50,651 where does this sweet little gay scout find his den? 432 00:18:50,694 --> 00:18:52,131 - You've certainly shown me 433 00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:54,350 that you have a loyal clientele. 434 00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:58,920 - 80% of every successful restaurant is return customers. 435 00:18:58,963 --> 00:19:01,227 I did a little gay Google. 436 00:19:03,707 --> 00:19:05,231 I gaygled. 437 00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:09,278 - I am going to approve this loan. 438 00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:11,802 - Seriously? Oh my God, thank you. 439 00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:14,022 I can't believe that worked. 440 00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:17,025 [phone line trills] - It's ringing. 441 00:19:17,068 --> 00:19:18,287 - Honey, thank God you called. 442 00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:19,897 - Why, what's wrong? 443 00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:21,986 - I don't-- I don't know where I am. 444 00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,597 It's--it's so dark. 445 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,600 I think I hear a seagull and a foghorn. 446 00:19:26,643 --> 00:19:27,949 - My God, Karen. Hold on. 447 00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:29,211 - We're gonna trace this call. 448 00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:30,908 - Ha, ha, busted! 449 00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:33,215 Leave a message. [voicemail beeps] 450 00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:41,092 - I fell for that yesterday. 451 00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:46,272 - Will, take out your curlers. Grace, turn off the game. 452 00:19:46,315 --> 00:19:48,099 We need to talk. 453 00:19:48,143 --> 00:19:51,015 I'm getting that you're not on board with Phil. 454 00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:53,017 - No, we're not. We don't trust him, 455 00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:55,019 and we don't even think he's a doctor. 456 00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:57,283 - Hmm. He said you'd say that. 457 00:19:57,326 --> 00:19:58,980 - He's got a wallet full of credit cards 458 00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:00,373 in other people's names. 459 00:20:00,416 --> 00:20:03,114 - [chuckles] He said you'd say that, too. 460 00:20:03,158 --> 00:20:05,291 - Karen, we think he's only after your money. 461 00:20:08,337 --> 00:20:10,818 - He didn't say you'd say that. 462 00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:12,994 [text notification chimes] 463 00:20:13,037 --> 00:20:15,910 Oh, okay. Now he said you'd say that. 464 00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:18,913 And he wants ice cream from one place 465 00:20:18,956 --> 00:20:20,741 and toppings from another. 466 00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:26,312 So, you two think that the only way 467 00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:29,706 a man would be interested in me is for my money? 468 00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:31,360 - That's not what we meant. - Oh my God, no. 469 00:20:31,404 --> 00:20:33,057 We're just worried about you. 470 00:20:33,101 --> 00:20:34,058 - [scoffs] 471 00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:35,669 You're worried about me, 472 00:20:35,712 --> 00:20:38,193 or you don't want me to be happy 473 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:42,110 because you don't have a man in your life? 474 00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:44,025 I think you're just 475 00:20:44,068 --> 00:20:46,419 Jewish. 476 00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:50,988 - Jewish? Uh, don't you mean I'm jealous? 477 00:20:51,032 --> 00:20:52,947 - So you admit it. 478 00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:55,166 - Karen, we just the best for you. 479 00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:58,169 - So do I, and I think what's best for me 480 00:20:58,213 --> 00:20:59,475 is to have somebody in my life 481 00:20:59,519 --> 00:21:02,391 who loves me and supports me like Phil. 482 00:21:02,435 --> 00:21:06,308 So if I have to choose between Phil and you, 483 00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:09,703 well, I'm making my choice right now. 484 00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:16,057 - So is this how it ends? 485 00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:19,713 - Oh, okay. 486 00:21:19,756 --> 00:21:21,758 ♪